what does “deconstructing” mean?
spirals are often seen as a metaphor for life—we go around and around and have the opportunity to see things differently, if we are paying attention.
A simple definition of deconstruction: "breaking down" or analyzing something to discover its true significance (Thank you, Merriam-Webster).
It’s looking at the relationship between the thing and the meaning. For example, in a faith tradition that is considered a High Control Group (HCG), there will be many rules and much rigidity in order to be a member. When someone in a HCG begins to deconstruct, they look at the “rules” they were taught and sit with what they think those rules mean and how they actually play out in the faith community—often there is a disparity.
If someone is feeling the nudge to examine their religious/spiritual beliefs, there is a good reason to follow through and see where it leads. It is scary, but there is something important in you that is alerting you to some disconnect between what is said and how it is played out; how the rules are different for different people; who the authority actually is of the group. Listen and be with this part of yourself.
It is an opportunity to look at something and take it apart to see it better, to hold it in your hands, much like you would if you were dismantling a toaster to figure out a problem. Deconstruction is not because there is a problem, but because something has piqued your curiosity and deserves closer inspection. It can also come in the form of an emotional upheaval that rips the ground from under your feet.
And, it can be absolutely terrifying to feel like you are falling existentially into unknown territory, where once everything made sense, you knew what the rules were and while you may not have liked some of them, you did them. And now you can no longer do so. It is okay. It is absolutely okay to stop attending church, if you haven’t already. I tell my clients that someone would never encourage a friend who’s been abused by a partner to return to that person. So why return to the place and to the people who feel like abusers, even if they hold significance in your life? It is okay to take a break and to be with where you are.
You have taken the first step to reclamation—reclaiming your Self, and you are listening, which is part of what this journey is all about. You will find some other information on this journey here and here.